I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
