At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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