I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
