CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
