Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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