How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
