Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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