i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pants are for mortals
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
