It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
