you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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