I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
