i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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