Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
