oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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