i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
