Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
