Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
