I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
