Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
