Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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