When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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