I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
