dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
