I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
