I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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