I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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