It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
