I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
