Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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