Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
