so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
