Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
