I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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