Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
