she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
