Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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