So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
