are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
