wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
