marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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