i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
