I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
