I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
