I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
