I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
