I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm too high and old for this...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
