I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
