nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
