it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
