Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
