I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
