The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
