I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
