Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
