his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
