I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
