If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
