yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
