Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
